Hey Megan! Thank you for having such a funny introduction (the Valentine’s Day Rose Sale/unrequited for Joseph Gordon-Levitt thing) to your presentation and being very clear and concise with your presentation as a whole, particularly the universal theme of “the disconnection between love and truth.” I wanted to comment on your second AP Prompt, mostly because I was also very curious as to why Julian Barnes named the books the way they were.
First off, I think the organization of your second AP Prompt essay was a bit undecided – I thought your thesis was spot on, but I think it could have been even more effective if you had an introduction leading into the thesis statement, to both engage the reader and make your thesis statement more powerful, just as you did with your presentation. Secondly, I think the synopsis you gave about “Love, etc.” was a bit awkward, as you didn’t include the synopsis of “Pulse” (which albeit was a collection of short stories), and I think the synopses would have been more effective in your introductory paragraph, for the purposes of a lead-in to the rest of your essay, as well as and saving time and space by not having to use to much contextual “filler” throughout the actual bulk of the essay.
I can really sympathize with your description of Stuart, Gilligan, and Oliver in Love, etc, since I am also in a love triangle; with me, myself, and I. But in all seriousness, I find the plot you describe of Love, etc quite interesting. Love triangles are often pictured in films and literature, but they usually seem to be unrealistic, fake; not something normal people could relate to. But from what I gathered from your essay, Julian Barnes’ love triangle in Love, etc seems down to earth, and quite possible in the modern world, since relationships are often a dime a dozen, and people can never really be sure where their feelings lie. That being said, I think your essay could use some work. For starters, I couldn’t identify your thesis. You have two intro paragraphs, with a half-thesis in each one, but no final, definitive, arguable thesis. Also, your body paragraphs seem disjointed, and you just end your final paragraph with no real conclusion. You discussed the plot/events of Barnes’ works as evidence for your claims, but used no direct quotes. I think you just needed to spend a little more time on it. You obviously knew what you were talking about, you just didn’t connect it all the way.
Hey Megan! Thank you for having such a funny introduction (the Valentine’s Day Rose Sale/unrequited for Joseph Gordon-Levitt thing) to your presentation and being very clear and concise with your presentation as a whole, particularly the universal theme of “the disconnection between love and truth.” I wanted to comment on your second AP Prompt, mostly because I was also very curious as to why Julian Barnes named the books the way they were.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I think the organization of your second AP Prompt essay was a bit undecided – I thought your thesis was spot on, but I think it could have been even more effective if you had an introduction leading into the thesis statement, to both engage the reader and make your thesis statement more powerful, just as you did with your presentation. Secondly, I think the synopsis you gave about “Love, etc.” was a bit awkward, as you didn’t include the synopsis of “Pulse” (which albeit was a collection of short stories), and I think the synopses would have been more effective in your introductory paragraph, for the purposes of a lead-in to the rest of your essay, as well as and saving time and space by not having to use to much contextual “filler” throughout the actual bulk of the essay.
I can really sympathize with your description of Stuart, Gilligan, and Oliver in Love, etc, since I am also in a love triangle; with me, myself, and I. But in all seriousness, I find the plot you describe of Love, etc quite interesting. Love triangles are often pictured in films and literature, but they usually seem to be unrealistic, fake; not something normal people could relate to. But from what I gathered from your essay, Julian Barnes’ love triangle in Love, etc seems down to earth, and quite possible in the modern world, since relationships are often a dime a dozen, and people can never really be sure where their feelings lie.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I think your essay could use some work. For starters, I couldn’t identify your thesis. You have two intro paragraphs, with a half-thesis in each one, but no final, definitive, arguable thesis. Also, your body paragraphs seem disjointed, and you just end your final paragraph with no real conclusion. You discussed the plot/events of Barnes’ works as evidence for your claims, but used no direct quotes. I think you just needed to spend a little more time on it. You obviously knew what you were talking about, you just didn’t connect it all the way.